HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND...

I'm awake. Wide awake.

I'm in restless & slightly irritable mode right now. I'm still thinking about the lie my doctor told me. (Another GAD symptom--we re-hash things in our minds even when we shouldn't.)

As of 12/31 I upped my Lamictal dosage to 150mgs/day. It's not helping. If something doesn't kick in by Monday I'm going to have to have a very serious conversation with my doctor. (The guy I no longer trust because he lied to me.)

I'm worried about my neighbor. When I was poor & starving she'd give me the classified section from her Sunday NY Times so I wouldn't have to shell out $3.50 for a paper. For the past 2 weeks she hasn't done that due to poverty on her part. She slips these little notes under my door on Saturdays. Today's note said that a neighbor had to lend her money for food. I wish I could help her, but I'm about to be out of a job myself.

Or maybe not. Not if one of the MANY resumes I cranked out to the university where I'm currently working scores me some luck. The university posts their listings online, & their job page has this cool feature that allows you to apply for more than one position simultaneously. I applied for 11 jobs in 30 minutes. And at least 2 of them were for positions identical to the one I'm currently in.

I also have an interview on Thursday. Unfortunately, it's in the Bronx. I took a test run out there on Friday just to see how long it would take. I have to take the bus into Manhattan, then take the subway out to the Bronx, then take another bus out to the campus. Although I didn't do the Bronx bus thing on my test run, I'm guesstimating that my commute from apt to campus will be @ 2 hours. Ouch. That's really going to suck if I actually get the job. Eventually I'd have to move to the Bronx, but I can't do that immediately because right now I couldn't afford a security deposit. So that would be at least 6 months of getting up at suck o'clock just to make it to work on time. Not to mention the extra transportation costs.

I've got this rash thing going on. You can't see it, but I'm itching like crazy. At first I thought it was the Lamictal. I now know that it's not, but I don't know what the hell it is. I wish I could fill my bathtub with Noxzema and just wallow in it. (Good thing I actually LIKE the smell of Noxzema, otherwise I'd be really miserable.)

Back to sleep.....I wish....
- posted by Pat @ 2:53 AM