It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, April 02, 2005

So I'm blogging just to kill time till it's time for the news. Then maybe I'll fall asleep to kill time until it's time to get up tomorrow morning. Then it's grocery shopping, laundry, & get ready for another week of work. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The good news is I saw the cute guy yesterday. The bad news is he was really busy & didn't have much time to talk to me. But we did talk. One step at a time, I guess.

Not like it's going to lead anywhere. Like I said in my last post, I'm a complete loser when it comes to men. But he gives my eternally-sex-starved brain something to think about.

There's a possibility that I may be able to do some business with Cute Guy. I sent him an email last night as soon as I got home. He still hasn't emailed me back. *sigh* I'm just like Charlie Brown hovering by the mailbox on Valentine's Day. Pathetic.

Whenever my ex-psychiatrist & I would talk about drug options and I would balk at taking an SSRI, he would always assume that it was because of the sexual side effects. God, I wanted to smack him. I was too ashamed to tell him that a drug with sexual side effects would be a blessing in my case. I'd give anything to be able to rip my sex drive out of my body. Then I wouldn't care so much about not having anyone in my life.

Another thing I was too ashamed to tell him is that riluzole (the drug he used in his study) had precisely that effect on me. And it was wonderful. The nausea & the raised LFTs weren't so hot, and it didn't do a whole lot for my anxiety, but the reprieve from craving a warm male body was fantastic.

Another treatment update: My new psychiatrist is slowly weaning me off Namenda. I'm not happy about that, but apparently there are some very serious long-term side effects with this drug. Not that I blame my ex for putting me on it--Namenda was brand new when he put me on it, and there's no way that he nor anyone else could have known about these side effects at the time. We're talking heart attacks and strokes, folks. As my new psych put it, if I were an old lady with dementia and a life expectancy of less than 10 years, this wouldn't be an issue. But I'm only 34. While I firmly believe that this drug has helped me, it's obviously not something I would want to stay on indefinitely.

In job news, I was saved from a meeting with the Big Boss on Thursday when she ran late at a couple of other meetings. Then she took Friday off. That's the good news. The bad news is our meeting has been re-scheduled for Monday. *sigh*

It's been raining steadily all day today. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but there was no way I was doing it in this downpour. So I've spent the entire day inside the apartment. I haven't spoken to anyone except my landlord when he came for the rent check.

OK, I've killed enough time. Time to watch the news...

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