WAITING GAME

It's been an interesting week.

Monday: Interviewed for the position where I'd be replacing the pregnant woman. Didn't seem as bad as I thought it would be. One of the ppl who wanted to meet me couldn't make it, so I may have to go back for a second interview.

Tuesday: Ben & Jerry's Free Cone Day. I managed to hit 4 of the 8 B&J locations in Manhattan. After hitting the 23rd st store I decided I needed a break, so I went to Barnes & Noble, used the restrooom, & spent about an hour reading "Please Stop Laughing At Me" by Jodee Blanco. It brought back a lot of bad memories. Then I saw my new psychiatrist for the final time. She seems to think she can get me disability payments. I think she's nuts. But she did write me a shitload of prescriptions--klonopin, neurontin, and doxepin. I filled one of the prescriptions at Duane Reade, hit the B&J on 43rd & 8th, then went to see CG's group perform. Talked with CG afterwards. He needed help with his bowtie, so I got to spend about 45 seconds fondling the back of his neck. Too bad I was too depressed at the time to enjoy the moment. The depression also caused me to be a real bitch to CG's brother, who's also in the group. I still feel bad about that.

Wednesday: While I'm on my way to another pharmacy to fill the rest of the prescriptions, my cell phone goes off. It was my ex-doctor. He's running a study on Buspar (a drug he refused to put me on 2 years ago because he said it was "a worthless drug"). He's willing to include me in the study. That's the good news, because it means I can still get treatment after my insurance expires at the end of this month. The bad news is in order to qualify, I have to stay off meds for 2 weeks.

Thursday (yesterday): I went back to Prestigious Institution to attend a conference. As I was leaving I ran into a student. He said, "I hear you've decided to leave us." I responded, "It wasn't my decision." Then I ended up telling him more than I probably should have, but at this point I don't give a shit. Then when I got home there was mail from the Unemployment office waiting for me. They're not going to count my Prestigious Institution wages, which means my weekly check is going to be really small.

Friday (today): My 3rd day without meds. I'm miserable, but not so miserable that I can't take it anymore. I'm trying now to work up the motivation to take a shower, get dressed, and go register at an agency.

I'll be seeing CG at the comedy club tonight. After tonight I probably won't see him for a while. That makes me sad. But hey, I'm depressed--EVERYTHING makes me sad right now.
- posted by Pat @ 7:45 AM