It's a GAD GAD World
Wednesday, May 04, 2005

My ex-doctor has rejected me from his study. The EKG I had last week picked up a heart abnormality--Wolff Parkinson White syndrome. It's not life-threatening, but it's enough to get me excluded.

Went to see CG's group perform last night. CG barely spoke to me afterwards.

I've just had a revelation. The reason that I'm alone is because I'm so screwed up that no one wants to deal with me. I am damaged goods. Why take someone sick when you can have someone healthy?

I am flawed. There's nothing I can do about that. I can do my best to keep my flaws in check (and I do--I think), but I can't do anything about the fact that I am inherently imperfect.

The only good thing about all of this is that I can go back on meds again. After getting the bad news email from my ex-doc, I celebrated with 0.25 mgs of klonopin. Unfortunately, it was maybe 1/2 hour before I had to leave to go into the city to register for employmet at an agency. I fell asleep in the Lincoln Tunnel. :)

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