It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, June 05, 2005

Didja read the sex advice column in the back of this week's Time Out NY? One letter was from a woman who said she hadn't had a sexual encounter in 12 years. The sexpert said in his response (among other things) that he was pained by the fact that this woman had gone for 12 years without any sex. Then he proceeded to give her advice on how to procure the services of a gigolo.

Well day-um! I wonder what my sexual history (or lack thereof) would do to this so-called sexpert. Well I've got a better idea, Mr. Sexpert. Instead of advising people who are sexless to go out and do illegal things in order to get sex, why not work with medical science to invent a pill that would remove these urges from these poor unfortunate souls like myself.

Think about it: Fat & ugly people could take the pill & stop crying themselves to sleep every night out of loneliness. That alone would make enough of a contribution to the betterment of mankind to be worthy of a Nobel Prize. But there's more: If fat/ugly or otherwise "undesirable" people no longer had a desire to hook up, then they wouldn't procreate. Then if you believe Darwin, only the bright and beautiful would survive, and within a few generations this world would consist of nothing but bright and beautiful people.

But wait, there's more! Wives who are tired of their husbands hounding them for sex when they're just too pooped to party could slip the drug into their husbands' coffee & gain a few hours of peace. Those who suspect their spouses of being unfaithful could do the same thing to prevent them from sowing their wild oats. And we could even give it to violent sex offenders to prevent them from repeating their crimes.

Sounds like a plan to me. Where can I get some? (Of the drug, that is...)

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