It's a GAD GAD World
Friday, November 25, 2005

As of today I've officially been unemployed for 2 weeks. Woo hoo. My Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. Earlier in the week I splurged & spent money I couldn't afford on food. Among other things I bought milk (for cereal--I've got about 15 boxes of it in my apartment right now), ice cream, cold cut turkey, cheese, bread, and a Pepperidge Farm Turkey Pot Pie. On the Big Day I treated myself to not going hungry. I ate a real breakfast, had the turkey pot pie for lunch, & used the other stuff to make a sandwich for dinner. I also took my meds.

I haven't spoken to anyone or left the apartment for 2 days. And it's too damn cold to go out and take a walk. I'm slowly going stir crazy. (I would have said I'm slowly going crazy, but I'm already there. :) )

The day before Thanksgiving was interesting. I had to go into the city for an errand. Since I had nothing better to do the rest of the day I decided to visit some former co-workers. Their story is a soap opera in and of itself. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I once had a job at a piano store. The owner is a cold and condescending bastard. (We seriously think he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.) At the time I was there, the owner's wife & the manager were having a clandestine affair. By the time I left the affair wasn't so clandestine. The Bastard refuses to grant the wife a divorce, and the marriage was irretrievably broken by the time wife & manager began the affair. So they just kind of live their lives as best they can.

ANYWAY...Wife & Manager opened up their own store together and no longer work for the Bastard. These are the people I went to visit on Wednesday. It was the first time I'd seen them since I left the piano store nearly a year ago. (The Bastard let me go the week before Christmas and the week after my grandfather died.) We spent a LONG time talking and catching up. Wife even took me out to lunch. They're really nice people. I'm glad I reached out to them.

I miss the Cute Guy. To make a long story short, we're supposed to be meeting each other at some point for a non-social reason. I've been waiting for nearly two weeks for him to respond to an email from me and he hasn't yet. I know he's not away because he posted on his blog about 2 days ago.

As I said, I've been unemployed for 2 weeks now. Barring a major miracle, there's not going to be a Christmas for me this year. I don't care so much about not getting any gifts, but it really sucks that I won't be able to give any. I'm not even sending out any Christmas cards. If I get any interviews late in the month I might make some homemade CDs and distribute them while I'm in the city. Effective 12/1 my bus pass & Metrocard both expire, so I won't be going into the city unless I have an interview or a job. I did the math. Thanks to my landlord raising my rent and Verizon charging me more money for my phone bill, my unemployment checks leave me with about $10 at the end of the month after paying rent and bills. And that's if I DON'T buy food.

Surprisingly, my anxiety hasn't been that bad since I left my job. The depression on the other hand is sucky. Not so much the sadness, although that IS present, but the lack of energy. The inability to get off my ass and do anything. I'm doing OK med-wise. My ex-pdoc works at Famous Hospital, and while I was working there he graciously allowed me to visit him. My last week on the job he gave me a shitload of Namenda. So if I stay at 15 mgs/day & skip on the weekends I've got enough to last me 9 months.

I hope I find a job soon. Anything. Just to get me out of the apartment.

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