It's a GAD GAD World
Thursday, March 30, 2006

Good things and bad things have happened to me in the past 7 days.

First, the good things. Last Friday I went to see the Cute Guy perform. It was the first time I'd seen him in over a month. I wore something really stylish & it actually worked! I scored this black silk blouse with red flowers on it at Macy's for $9 a few months ago, & this was the first time I'd worn it. The bottom has sort of a swishy diagonal cut, so it's meant to be worn untucked. (I tucked it in for work, though.) And the neck has a wide, low cut--kind of revealing for work, but I wore a blazer over it, so I was OK. It was just the look I love. Honestly, I wish I could walk around all day wrapped in a towel. I love baring my neck & shoulders & just a bit of cleavage, and my legs from the knees down aren't that bad. It's just all the stuff in the middle that's saggy & lumpy & otherwise less-than-attractive. I wore a gold necklace & bracelet & did my nails to complement the look.

But anyway--he was sitting in the lobby when I arrived, & he hugged me hello. THen he disappeared, & I didn't see him till after the show. THis gave me time to take off my coat & blazer & untuck my blouse. When he came back into the lobby I stood up & we talked a bit. He even said I looked nice in the top. HE SAID I LOOKED NICE! I *NEVER* get that from a guy! Ever! Eventually I left, & he initiated another hug.

...OK, so maybe it's not the same as getting laid. But when you're as lonely & as isolated as I am, you take whatever you can get.

Another good thing that happened was that my friend scored tix to an upcoming Rick Springfield concert. I've been a fan for 20+ years (God, that makes me feel old), & I've never seen him live. THe seats are in the nosebleed section, but I'll take them.

Now for the bad things. Somebody at the School of Style got fired today. Surprisingly, it wasn't me. BUt this was a complete shock. She was a good worker, polite & conscientious. I can't imagine what she could have possibly done to deserve this. It makes me wonder when my number could be up. There's been nothing but praise for me, but as far as I knew no one had any complaints about this worker either. And now she's canned.

Even though it wasn't me who got fired, it stressed me out for the remainder of the day. On the way home I did something I almost never do--I went to a fast-food joint & got a ginormous bacon cheeseburger. Heart attack to go.

I know I shouldn't soothe my problems with food. But food is about the only thing left in the world that gives me any pleasure. I still like music, but it's getting harder & harder for me to enjoy it. I can't do late nights anymore like I used to. I don't have the energy, & with my insomnia & my sleepy meds I have to be in bed by a certain hour or else I turn into a pumpkin.

I just want to be safe. I yearn for safety. Nothing in this world is secure. Not job, not health, not even the love of your family. I just wish that somewhere in this world there was a place where I could go and know I would be loved and valued and that no one would ever hurt me. And even if bad things happened, that I'd be able to get through them.

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