It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, December 23, 2006
So here's my dilemma...
My p-doc's theatrics are really starting to piss me off, to the point where I don't think I want to see her anymore. The last time I went to see my p-doc, she started lecturing me out of the blue about my weight. After giving me unsolicited and unwanted advice to start chugging soy milk, she asked me about the blood draw she did on me in August. I reminded her of what she had said to me that day, which was that if I didn't get a phone call from her about it, it meant everything was ok. She hadn't called me, so I assumed things were fine.
She rummaged through my chart. Turns out she never got the results back. She called out to one of the secretaries to have my results faxed immediately.
A few minutes later, we had them. Her theatrics would have been comical if they weren't so goddamn unprofessional. "OH MY GOD YOUR TRIGLYCERIDES ARE ALMOST 500! I'M GOING TO PUT YOU ON CRESTOR!!" And she whipped out her prescription pad and was all set & ready to put me on a cholesterol med.
After taking a split second to recover from her drama, my brain started to function again. I glanced at the lab results. The word FASTING appeared at the top. I pointed out to her that this wasn't accurate. (I hadn't been told until the end of that appointment that she was going to draw blood, so there was no way I could have prepped for it.) "Oh no, I asked you what you had to eat before I did the draw, & if you hadn't had anything significant I put you down as fasting."
"But you have to fast for 12 hours for a cholesterol reading to be accurate."
"No you don't. It's only 6." (Not only is this wrong--it IS 12 hours--but there is no way I would have gone for 6 hours without eating. I don't specifically recall what I ate that day, but I had to have eaten SOMETHING, even if it was only a granola bar.)
Then I stopped her. I told her that I would have my PCP do another draw, and if those levels were abnormal, then we would weigh our options.
As I left her office, the more I thought about it the madder I got. For several reasons:
1) Yes, I am overweight. But I am physically healthy. I know this based on the multiple blood draws I've had over the past 3 years. She had absolutely no right to start lecturing me about it. If and when I develop health problems that are directly and irrefutably attributed to the number on my scale, then I will take action. But until that happens, anyone (including my p-doc) who has a problem with the size of my ass is cordially invited to kiss it.
2) This is not the first time she's tried to scare the living crap out of me & try to make me worry about something. She did it with Namenda, she's done it with problems I've had at my jobs, and now this. She seems to take delight in playing on the particular complexes of her patients. She once gleefully told me about a screensaver she had on her computer that said rude things like "you're ugly" and "you smell bad" and how she deliberately left that screensaver on in plain open view of a patient who suffered from paranoia. And now she's trying to make a GAD patient worry to death?? This is bullshit!
3) I know for a fact that in order for a cholesterol reading to be accurate, you have to fast for 12 hours prior to the blood draw. She's full of shit for saying otherwise.
4) Even if my triglycerides were horrifically elevated, I also know that the first line of treatment for high cholesterol is not prescribing a drug. It is diet and exercise. By trying to put me on a cholesterol drug, she was exercising bad judgment.
So I called my PCP as soon as I got home & scheduled a fasting blood draw. I had it on Friday (2 days ago). I'm still awaiting the results.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that, in the words of Dan Savage, I should DTMFA. (That's Dump The MotherFucker Already, for those who don't read Savage Love.) Unfortunately, it's not that simple. First of all, finding a new p-doc is a monumental pain in the ass. I speak from experience. When my 1st p-doc (the one I now refer to as "the asshole") dumped me in 2005, I had to call 10 p-docs before I found one who would take on a new patient (the p-doc I currently have).
Secondly, there's my stupid insurance company. If I go to see my PCP, my co-pay is $15. If I go to see any other type of specialist, my co-pay is $30. If I go to see a p-doc, my co-pay is 50 PERCENT. When I told my p-doc this, she assured my that I would only be charged $35 once my Red Cross benefit ran out at the end of 2007. Another p-doc might not cut me that kind of deal.
I thought I had figured out a way to solve this problem. 75-80% of my p-doc visits are basically "Hi how are you I'm fine same shit different day just gimme a refill on my meds & I'll be out of your hair for another month." I thought that maybe I might be able to convince my PCP to write my prescriptions for me, as long as I was excruciatingly honest with her about what I was taking & how much, & if I gave her permission to verify this information with my p-doc.
As I said, I saw my PCP on Friday. I attempted to broach the subject with her. No dice. She wouldn't even consider it. So that's strike one.
My Plan B is to start seeing a therapist at the practice where my p-doc works. At least 2 of the t-docs there are nurse practitioners, which means they're authorized to write prescriptions for certain meds. It probably wouldn't hurt me to go to someone I can actually hold a fucking conversation with. And I could go to the p-doc if I needed a change in my meds or if I flip out again like I did back in August.
If Plan B doesn't work, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. Any suggestions out there?
In other news, I think I mentioned that I got invited to a Christmas party. That was tonight. It was OK. But it was very crowded. And I realized something. I am just not a party person. I didn't try to make conversation with anyone. (A couple of people came up to me and we talked, but I didn't try to initiate anything with anyone.) There was a time when I could have enjoyed a situation like tonight, but not now. I think what's happened is that I've gotten so used to being alone that when I'm with a lot of people, it's like a shock to my system.
On top of that, I was so happy to have an excuse to bake that I whipped up 2 different batches of cookies. When I got there, it seemed like everyone else had the same idea, because it was wall-to-wall food. The good news is I'm proud to say I didn't eat a whole lot while I was there. The bad news is I ended up bringing most of the cookies back with me.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
ONE MORE WEEK
This is my last week at work before the big holiday break.
I actually got invited to a holiday party. One of the faculty members at work invited me to his place on Friday. Before you get the wrong idea, he lives with his girlfriend. So it ain't THAT kind of invite.
It will be so nice to do something for the holiday.
I went to a concert on Friday (last Friday) & ran into a guy I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years. I sorta went apeshit & hugged him way too long & way too frequently. But I don't think he minded. I'd almost forgotten how good it felt to egage in physical contact with another human being.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
THE SEARCH IS FINITO
Thanks Jane for your comment. It's a good thing you said something, because otherwise I would have gone even longer without posting this update.
I am no longer looking for an apartment. The stress of trying to find something both cheap & decent was so tumultuous that after 2 weeks I decided to give up completely. So I am staying put.
I am now in the process of trying to get ready for the holidays. More after my vacation starts.