It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, February 11, 2007
BACK TO REALITY
Well folks, the honeymoon is over. I am no longer feeling good & I am back to my usual mopey-anxious self.
Mind you, I am not depressed as fuck. I am not stressed to the gills. I'm just back to my normal way of being.
I have no fucking clue why I am back to where I am. And I have no fucking clue why I got happy in the first place. Believe me, if I did, I could save a lot of money on psych meds and maybe I really could tell my p-doc to go fuck herself.
Speaking of my p-doc, my appointment with the t-doc is Friday. It will be the first time I've set foot in the office since I chewed my p-doc like a bulldog with a bone. This will be interesting. And hopefully, productive.
In other news, did anyone watch 60 Minutes tonight? Didja see the piece on the mentally ill prisoners who died of thirst & starvation in the Michigan prison system? And people wonder why I'm in the crazy closet.
I'm such a fucking hypocrite. Back in college I knew this guy who was gay. (Keep in mind that this was in rural Pennsylvania about 15 years ago.) He was the first person I ever knew to be gay & when I saw how scared & closeted he was, I stood up for him when he was too scared to stand up for himself. He's out & proud now, & I like to think that I had something to do with that fact.
So why can't I come out of my own closet? Why can't I stand up for myself? Part of it, I guess, is that I don't feel the need to ram personal information about myself in everybody's face. And then, there's the fact that I *have* spoken up on certain occasions. I guess maybe I think that I shouldn't play the crazy card until there's a need to do so. Like when somebody makes a stupid remark about crazy people. Or when I'm asked to speak in front of a group of medical students. God, I wish I could do that again. I've tried reaching out to the prof who teaches the class, but I've gotten no response.
Again, no neat & tidy ending. But the Grammys are on. ROOOOOOOOOOOXXANNNNE!!! :)
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