It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, May 05, 2007
OK, so I'm (not) celebrating a little early. Technically my birthday is tomorrow, but since it's late it WILL be tomorrow by the time most of you read this. (Yeah, like I have legions of followers.)

Exactly what is it that I'm celebrating, anyway? Another year of sucking up oxygen & taking up space on the planet? One of my colleagues at work asked me on Thursday what I was planning to do for my birthday. I was actually surprised at the question. I said I wasn't planning to do anything. She said something like, "What, you're not going out with friends or anything?"

First of all, WHAT FRIENDS?? Secondly, you told me just a couple of weeks ago that you considered me to be your friend, why haven't YOU invited me out?

I suppose I could celebrate on my own, but honestly, I can't think of a damn thing to do. Eat something special? Please. My weight is now up to 225, the LAST thing I need is to be eating. Go shopping? I suppose I could do that, if I could think of anything I needed. And if you all could see my apartment right now, you would highly discourage me from acquiring any more possessions. I think I've become one of those clutter whores. I'm almost at the point where I need professional help. I would seriously pay someone to help me clear up my shit if I knew who to ask & if I could afford it.

In case it isn't glaringly obvious by now, I'm in Depressionland at the moment. And I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that I stopped taking my meds a week ago. It's part of a ritual I go through every year for my dead friend. I don't feel like re-hashing the details, so go read some of my other posts from this date in previous years if you want the full story. And yes, I plan to go back on my meds again starting Monday.

And even as I type all of this crap, one of my music friends is battling cancer. I'm sure he would give anything to be guaranteed another birthday. Honestly, if I could give a few years of my life to help people who aren't going to get them on their own, I would. My life is worth nothing. (No, I'm not suicidal! Don't panic!) If I died, the only one in the world who would be directly impacted is my cat. And I know my landlord wouldn't throw him in the street or dump him in the pound.

What I wouldn't give for just one person to call me tomorrow...

In other news, my big stress of the week concerns one of the part-time professors at work. I can't really go into full details here, but suffice it to say that there was something major that he was supposed to do last week and he didn't do it. And I'm the one who caught it & reported it.

I like this guy. He's newly divorced with a kid & we have virtually nothing in common. But I like him nonetheless. The very first day we met, we struck up a conversation. I honestly don't remember how it came up, but he told me that I looked OK (i.e., not fat) and that as long as I was healthy & felt good, the number on the scale didn't matter. It's not very often that you hear guys say that. And I've never had a guy say it to me. And this is a guy who used to work for a major lingerie company! So how can I NOT like him? As far as I know, he's the only guy on the planet who doesn't think I'm a whale.

Anyway, he was supposed to do something last week & he didn't. There is no way he could have "just forgotten" to do it. And there is no way his failure to do it would have gone unnoticed. I don't know what the consequences of his non-actions are going to be. I hope he doesn't get fired. Actually, as a part-timer he wouldn't be fired, he just wouldn't be invited back next semester. Which would be a shame because he's a good teacher. He also interviewed for a full-time position recently and this could come back to bite him in the ass.

I almost called him when I discovered it. Almost. In the end I decided not to because there's no way he could fix what he didn't do at this point, and it wasn't my place to tell him.

The only other thing that's going on with me is that for the past week I've had a stiff neck combined with a splitting headache & intermittent nausea. I have no fucking clue what it could be. I don't feel sick otherwise. Any ideas out there?

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