*NOW* WHAT DO I DO?
A couple of housecleaning notes before I get into what's really bothering me.

First, thanks to Beautiful Struggle for your comment. It always makes me feel good to know that someone is reading. Your words meant a great deal to me.

Secondly, I'm able to get into my Excite account again. So that's fixed.

Now...I am so angry, frustrated, scared, anxious, worried...my stomach is tied up in knots and I don't know what to do.

As you all know if you've been reading my posts of late, I spent about 2 years taking a lot of crap from my now-former p-doc (the White Russian). I had a major blowout with her in January. (Full details are in a previous post.) After busting my ass to find a replacement for her elsewhere, I ultimately decided to see a nurse-practitioner who works out of the same office. (Less paperwork, my entire medical history is right in front of her, yadda yadda.)

While the n-p copped an attitude and gave me a lecture about my blowout with the White Russian during my initial visit in February, a subsequent visit in March went very smoothly. Not one word about my "bad girl" behavior, just business as usual. I thought things would be OK after this. Wrong!

I had a visit with the n-p yesterday. This was my first visit with her since March. (She had told me to see her only when I needed meds, and to see a t-doc in between, which is what I've been doing.) It was also the first time I'd seen the White Russian since our blowout. And by "seen" I don't mean I had an office visit, we just happened to be in the same office at the same time. She said nothing to me, I stayed buried in my newspaper and ignored her.

During my visit yesterday, the n-p asked me what meds I needed this time. I made my requests, which included Namenda. The n-p picked up the phone and called the White Russian to ask if she had any Namenda in her office (the n-p only had one starter pack in her office). After a few minutes, she hung up the phone.

Then she said, "Dr. [White Russian] was surprised to see you here." Then she said that I was "putting me in an uncomfortable position". Her last words to me before handing me my prescriptions were to "work things out with [the p-doc] so that I don't have to be in an awkward situation".

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! First of all, I did NOTHING to make this n-p feel uncomfortable. If anyone made her feel uncomfortable during my visit, it was the White Russian, not me!

Secondly, the n-p has no right to say anything like that to me after what transpired during our February visit. When I tried to explain to her what happened between me and the White Russian, she informed me that because she worked for the White Russian, she was not going to take sides on the issue. You can't throw a comment at me like what you said yesterday and not expect me to respond!

Thirdly, how am I supposed to patch things up with the White Russian when she threatened to terminate the office's professional relationship with me and ban me from coming to the office altogether?? And let's make no mistake: she's not cutting herself off from me because I "misbehaved". She's doing it because she came dangerously close to committing malpractice and she knows fully well that I'm aware of that fact. She's only cutting me off to cover her own ass.

What do I do, people? I tried finding another p-doc, but the only one I could find who would accept my program only sees patients between 10-5, which means I'd have to take time off work to see her. I suppose I could go back to the bushes & try to find someone else, but this is just going to be so damn hard.

What I really want is a competent professional who will treat me with dignity and respect. And if I can't have that, then I'll settle for someone who will just give me my damn meds every few months and I'll stay out of her hair.

I have an appt with the t-doc on Tuesday. I'll talk to her and see what she says. But if anyone out there has any suggestions in the meantime, I'd love to hear them.
- posted by Pat @ 11:57 AM