MY BIG FAT FAILURE (LITERALLY)
So much for declaring war.

The reason I haven't posted in the past few days is because after getting home from work I was too exhausted to do much of anything except shove some dinner in my face and fall asleep. I haven't showered since Sunday night. (Washed my hair, changed my clothes, used all the proper hygiene products, but no showers.)

This afternoon I called my insurance company to try and get another copy of my EOB (Explanation of Benefits). The Red Cross program I'm enrolled in requires it in order to reimburse my practitioners. I still have this wild & crazy idea that I can convince the p-doc to fill out the damn form. (Call me crazy, but if all I had to do to get paid was fill out a simple one-page form, I'd fill out the damn form and send it in.)

Anyway, from the way the lady on the other end of the Oxford line acted, you would have thought I'd requested a deep-fried mongoose sandwich with extra nipples to go, please. "Oh...this is a highly unusual request...I'm not sure if I can help you...Why do you need it again?" I felt like such a moron. I know, it wasn't ME being the moron here, but this is how my crazy brain works. So after work I went to Starbucks & ordered one of those double chocolate chip frappucinos. Then I came home & did something I do only maybe 3-4 times a year. I ordered pizza. With cheesy bread.

I thought I was feeling better. Then I read the comment some anonymous soul just posted to me about how maybe I'm hypoglycemic and addicted to sugar. And now I'm crying like a baby. Honest to God, I have no fucking clue why this post is setting me off. And no, I'm not mad at the person who posted. Not at all.

Dammit, I was doing so well last week! I got shit done. I threw out an entire garbage bag of stuff.

Why can't I just learn to be happy with what I have? So what if I'll never be skinny or beautiful or know what it's like to be in a real relationship with a decent, caring man? So what if I'll never be able to afford my own home? Lots of people in the world do just fine without those things. Right?? Don't they???
- posted by Pat @ 8:30 PM