SOCIAL SUCKINESS
I had 2 events this week to remind me just what a social loser I am. As if I didn't already bleedin' know...

The first was an after-hours work-related event. It was very crowded, I had to shout just to make myself heard, and for that reason I didn't even try to make conversation with anyone. I just smiled and nodded to people and got the hell out of there as soon as I felt it was safe to do so. And yet my former boss thinks he can take me to task in my performance review for not being friendly. Just one of the many reasons why I thank God he's my former boss.

The second was ann alumni event hosted by my undergraduate alma mater. I know I'm supposed to mingle & chat people up at these things, but I didn't know anyone there (save for one person whom I absolutely can't STAND). So I just sat down by myself and sipped my (non-alcoholic) drink while I watched everyone around me.

There are a number of email lists I subscribe to which publicize local events in my area. I got an email today advertising a workshop in which people are taught how to approach the opposite sex. I actually thought about it, but 1) I'd be too humiliated to go through something like that, much as I so obviously need it) and 2) the cost was $99.

I just don't know how to interact with strangers. And I'm such a hypocrite, too. One minute I'll be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself because I never get invited to parties, then I'll actually go to parties and be reminded how much I hate them. You don't have to tell me how much of a jerk I am, I already know.

And now, some belated news from the land of GAD. I don't remember if I mentioned this in one of my earlier posts, but at my last p-doc visit I had requested that my doxepin dosage be lowered from 75 mgs to 50 mgs. Doxepin causes weight gain, and I've put on 15 pounds since I started taking it in August 2006. Well, I haven't lost any weight. But my depression has come back. I've spent the past 2 days sitting in my apartment doing virtually nothing. Admittedly, part of that is due to some nasty rainy shitty weather we've been having. But I've spent most of today and yesterday just lying on my couch.

No neat & tidy ending here. But that's about all I've got to say for now.
- posted by Pat @ 8:31 PM