D-DAY
In less than 3 hours I will be sitting in the p-doc's office for what will probably be the final time.

My stress level is through the roof right now. I am worried that when I don't give her ALL my labs like she requested she will refuse to write my Rxs. (I'm giving her the info that proves the White Russian fucked up her lab report, but that's it.) I am worried that when I get to the office something will happen at the last minute & the p-doc won't be able to keep my appt & the receptionist will say "Can you come back in January?" (too late for me to cash in on the Red Cross benefit for the last time) I am worried that somehow I won't be able to get through the appt without telling her that I'm not coming back. (I don't want them to know, I just want to fade away quietly.) I am worried that they will tell me they're terminating their relationship with me before I have a chance to leave & never come back. I'm GAD--I worry about a lot of things!

I did 50 mgs of doxepin & 1/4 of a remeron tablet last night to get to sleep. Then my stupid cat kept me up half the night. Today, on top of my usual Namenda, I plan to do a full klonopin (0.5 mgs) before I leave for work, then 0.5 mgs of Xanax right before I walk into the office.

Wish me luck, y'all...
- posted by Pat @ 7:43 AM