It's a GAD GAD World
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
MAYBE INSANITY'S A GOOD THING
First, an update to my last post. I wrote my letter. And mailed it off yesterday. And I managed to write it without any of the sniveling self-pity I unleashed here. Well, maybe just a smidgen. But I was drinking when I wrote it, & I think that allows my thinking to be just a little fuzzy.
Why was I drinking? This is the time of year when I mark the anniversary of the death of one of my best friends. (No, not the one I just wrote the letter to--she's not dead yet. This friend died 6 years ago.) I mark the occasion by listening to her favorite music & drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade. I also go off my meds so that I can drink without risking any nasty drug interactions.
Here's what I've learned about being off meds: My sex drive has kicked up big time.
I've spent the past 2 weeks thinking about a college student I met about 3 weeks ago. And NO, he is not a student at the college where I work! What are you, crazy? Anyway, the short version is that I went to a performance, he was one of the performers, I talked to him afterward & told him he blew me away, and he responded by giving me an entirely unexpected bone-crushing hug. And now I can't stop thinking about him, despite the fact that I'll probably never see him again. And never mind that I'm almost old enough to be his mother. I even checked out his MySpace page. It's set to private, so I couldn't really look at it, but it's got a very nice picture of him.
So maybe being crazy and being on meds is a good thing. Because I generally don't think crazy shit like this when I'm on the meds. The bad news is I'm still lonely & have no chance in hell of ever finding a man. The good news is that when I'm on the meds it's more of a dull, aching need in the back of my mind as opposed to a raging inferno that consumes my every waking thought.
Not much else to say, except that I had my second appointment with the new p-doc yesterday. It went well. I don't think I was in her office longer than 10 minutes. I updated her on what was transpiring in my life, I asked for some prescriptions, she gave them to me, and that was that.
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