It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, July 27, 2008
To the regular readers of my blog (all what, 3 of you?)--Please indulge me for a moment while I write an email to my friend who died six years ago. Some of the stuff here you won't understand, but she will. And she's the person I would give anything to be able to talk to right now. And this is how I choose to talk to her.

Dear B,

It's after midnight, & I should be asleep by now because I have lots to do tomorrow (today). But I don't want to sleep because I don't want this night to end.

I'm sure you were there with me at the concert tonight. How glorious it was to see the old band reunited! They still sound amazing, don't they?

15 minutes before the show started, I spotted him. HIM. You never knew him, unfortunately. He played with what's-his-name after what's-his-name left the band to form his own band. And you never got to see what's-his-name play live. Even though I had known HIM for a few years, I didn't really get to know him until after you died. Jesus, he looked good.

The place was so packed, I didn't think I'd have a chance to talk to him. So I whipped out my cell & called his home phone (I didn't have his cell phone #) & left him a message: "Hey you crazy long-haired's 7:45 and I'm at the concert and I can see you from all the way across the room, but I don't know if I'll have a chance to say hi to you afterwards, so I'm saying hi now. Hi!...Behave yourself...Bye!"

The concert was glorious, as I'm sure you know. The minute it ended, I saw him out of the corner of my eye quickly making his way to the exit. I did my best to follow him, but it was so jam-packed that it took several minutes. I made it all the way to the outside bar & didn't see him. Then I looked outside. No sign of him.

So I doubled back inside, thinking I'd ask what's-his-name if he'd seen him. And then I saw him, standing at the bar. I went up to him and gave him a very enthusiastic hug, which he returned.

We talked for a bit. Got caught up on things. I hadn't seen him in over a year, so there was some catching up to do. I found out when his birthday's in about a month or so. And next year he'll be 50. So I've already decided I'm going to come up with a list of 50 things that are older than he is & make a goofy gift box out of it.

I don't know, B. Maybe it was the music, or maybe I'm finally starting to grow up. But I thought to myself that I've been carrying a torch for this man for years. Why the hell not act on it?

Finally he said to me that he had a friend he had to see, & asked if I was going to stick around. I said no, I had a bus to catch (which was true). And then I did it. I looked him right in the eye and said, "You're not old. Want me to prove it?" And then I took his face in my hands and I kissed him.

That's right. You read right. I actually worked up the balls to kiss a guy. And I've been floating ever since.

Oh B, I wish I could talk to you right now. You would be cheering for me. And you were always so optimistic, always believing in the possibility of love, even for someone as hopeless as myself.

And this is why I don't want this night to end. I know damn well he's not going to call or email me. And I know the next time I see him he's going to pretend it never happened. And this is a guy who's pushing 50 & can't get his act together because his self-esteem is in the toilet. But to quote Sheena Easton, when he shines...oh, man.....

He got his hair cut. And he's been doing yard work, so he looked really good. REALLY good.

And did you see what's-his-name's wife? Looks like after all these years he's FINALLY going to be a daddy! I'm so happy for him. The kid is due around Thanksgiving. I'll have to get a gift for the little critter-to-be.

Take care, B. I hope that you're happy and at peace wherever you are. God how I miss you...


OK, this ends my letter to my dead friend and this is me talking to you again. For the record, the guy I described in this letter is NOT the Cute Guy. He's someone completely different. Don't ask. I don't even understand it myself.

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