It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, September 20, 2008
WHAT A WASTE
The title pretty much sums up how I feel about myself right now.
So...the Guitar God finally got in touch with me on Tuesday (his birthday). His email was very brief (his emails always are), but he was polite enough to thank me. So of course I shot him an email right back & called him & left a msg on his answering machine like the pathetic wench that I am.
I went to a concert tonight. And as I heard the band play I leaned towards the empty seat next to me and imagined that he was sitting there. During the slow romantic number I stroked my own hand imagining that it was his. I can't even count how many times I've gone to a concert alone and wished that someone special was sitting next to me enjoying the aural bliss as much as I was.
If the only measure of your words and your deeds is the love you leave behind when you're gone, then my words and deeds are worth nothing.
I won tickets to a concert earlier this week. So I sent out an email blast to my so-called friends asking if anyone wanted to go with me. No one responded.
No wonder I spend every fucking holiday alone. If I can't even get someone to go to a free concert with me, what makes me think I'm a decent enough human being to warrant spending holiday time with?
I'm sorry, people. I'm just in a major funk right now. I'm torn between wanting to cry myself to sleep, wanting to fuck someone's brains out (preferably Guitar God's, but that's negotiable), and wanting to rip someone limb from limb (there are several candidates I could choose from on this front). And no, I don't think it's PMS.
I've been taking more shit at work. Sometimes I wish I could be fired so I could just hibernate in my apartment for at least a week just to decompress.
My dead friend's relatives are giving away her clothes this weekend. So I'm going to head out there & see what kind of bargains I can snag.
Not much else to say. Just 48 hours of being away from the cesspool so I can get up and do it all over again.
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