It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, November 29, 2009
So here's what's going on with me GAD-wise...

My performance review is coming up. My boss hasn't said a word to me yet. I only know this because I overheard her discussing reviews in general with another employee.

I would rather have a root canal than undergo a review. Hell, I would rather be FIRED than go through a review.

When my boss first became my boss, she went over my most recent review with me. This was a good thing, because I finally got to explain my side of the story of the hell I went through in summer 2008 with someone who would actually listen and not try to shift the blame on me. Then she explained that she wasn't going to write my next review, *I* was going to write it. I was supposed to keep track of my accomplishments over the year and then put them into a written summary.

This is why I'm puzzled over her lack of communication. If it's coming up, wouldn't she want to give me a heads-up? Unless she was lying to me, which is very possible. My boss has revealed a split personality. One minute she is the most rational, caring, level-headed, practical person I know. The next minute, she's ordering me around and talking to me like a student who's been caught plagiarizing. I never know which boss I'm going to get at any given moment.

I really shouldn't care what my boss says in my review. Under normal circumstances our annual raises are determined by how well we do in our reviews, but that's not happening this year because of budget cuts. So my review will have no effect on my salary at all. I also shouldn't care what my boss says because even after a year of being my supervisor she still has no clue what my job is, so why would her opinion matter?

And yet, I'm dreading it like a visit to the dentist. Welcome to the wonderful world of GAD.

I've got an entire week off for Thanksgiving. Not that I really celebrated it. I bought some cold-cut turkey, a couple of potatoes, a single-serve box of frozen veggies, and a jar of turkey gravy. Then I heated everything, gave some turkey to the cat, and ate.

Today I was feeling really crappy, like something was squeezing my chest and I couldn't draw a deep breath. And I was sluggish too. Then it occurred to me that the last time I felt like this was when I was going through klonopin withdrawal. So I took 0.5 mgs about 1/2 an hour ago. Now I feel better.

I typically go off my meds when I'm not working. It allows me to stretch out the time in between refilling prescriptions, which saves me money. It also keeps me from building up a tolerance to the meds. It's just not every week I get an entire week off, that must be why I'm feeling withdrawal.

I'm temporarily moving some of my stuff into storage so that I can get some new furniture. A neighbor in my building offered to drive me to the storage place so that I didn't have to walk everything over. We did that yesterday. While we were in the car I told him that I hadn't been able to take a real shower since October because the faucet broke. He went to the hardware store and bought me the part I needed to fix it.

I am so grateful for people like him. I wish there was something I could do for him, but I can't think of anything. I can't really cook or bake for him because he's diabetic. I'll have to think of something.

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