It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I finally had it on Friday.

The day before, my boss was walking past my desk on the way to her office and said, "Oh, by the way, Human Resources finally released your performance review. Why don't we go over it tomorrow?"

This marks the 3rd consecutive year that my review has been done on roughly 24 hours' notice.

I went home that night, took my usual doxepin, and then right before I went to bed knocked myself out with 1/2 a remeron (7.5 mgs). Then sometime around 2am I was awakened by the sounds of a drunken argument in my stairwell. I listened long enough to make sure no one was being assaulted, then I heard the cops come in. So I turned on my radio to drown out the noise and went back to sleep.

I took another 1/2 of remeron before leaving for work along with my usual 10 mgs of Namenda. I took a full klonopin (0.5 mgs) before walking into the office. Then kept myself medicated on xanax & klonopin until my review finally happened around 2pm.

I'm not going to repeat the details of my review because I don't want to remember them. I was told to sign my review and then make a photocopy of it. I did, but I didn't read it and I'm not going to. As I've said before, my boss has no fucking clue what my job is, so I really don't care what she thinks. She could have written that I smoked pot at my desk and I would have signed it. All that matters is that I still have a job. And even that doesn't matter to me very much.

What really sucks is that by the end of the day I was so wiped out. I won tickets to a concert, and I had to leave less than halfway through the show because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was supposed to go to another concert tonight, but I woke up from a nap right about the time I should have been leaving. So that didn't happen either.

In other news, remember the Cute Guy? No, not to be confused with the Guitar God. I think I mentioned a while ago that he has a brother. (Actually, he has several brothers, but only one that lives in the area.) He's always been very nice to me, even when I've been a total bitch for reasons that were totally not his fault. And I've been nice to him, although I've kept my distance because he's had a girlfriend forever. I happened to email him this week, and it turns out they're not together anymore. They split months ago.

I swore to myself that I wasn't going to pursue any men for a year in the aftermath of the Guitar God fiasco, and I'm not going to make any huge plays for this guy. I'm just going to keep the lines of communication open.

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