It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I'M A MORON
Actually, that's not quite accurate. I'm a FUCKING moron.
I haven't posted in a while because I've been hoping to have a positive (or at least a neutral) follow-up to my last post. But someone left a comment recently (thanks, Karen!). So while I was in here publishing the comment and I've got time off from work and I have time to blog, I might as well come clean and admit what an idiot I am.
The day after my last post--THE VERY NEXT FUCKING DAY after I admitted I was in love with Mr. Married--he & I had another IM conversation. He had just gotten out of a meeting at work where they had to discuss the changes to the firm's health care plan. I'm not going to re-hash the exact details here, but during the conversation he made some racial remarks about the President and basically said that if working people didn't have health insurance through their employer and couldn't afford it themselves, it was their problem.
He actually said, "Health care isn't a Constitutional right". I terminated the conversation at that point. And I haven't spoken to him since. No IM conversations, no emails, no comments, no nothing.
I don't think he knows that I've been without health insurance for certain periods in my life. And now I'm wondering what he would think of me if he did. I suppose at this point I should mention that Mr. Married is a die-hard Republican.
This reminds me so much of the way my DNA-providers used to act. I almost had flashbacks during that conversation. They were die-hard Republicans too. They thought anyone who accepted any form of public assistance was a bum who just wanted to sit at home and collect checks. They used to come home bitching about the kids at their schools (they were both teachers) who got free lunches. They played nice with black folks out in public, but in the privacy of their home every time a person of color would appear on TV they would make some scornful remark about affirmative action.
Part of me never wants to speak to him again. But--and I know this is so stupid--I ordered a birthday present for him, and it arrived at my place before this conversation took place. So I'm going to send it to him simply because I don't want it sitting around my apartment reminding me of him. I'm also going to send him a letter telling him that when he disparages poor people, he's disparaging me, because I've been there.
I know, I know--that's such a shitty thing to do to someone on his birthday. But I don't know any other way to resolve this. I can't just sweep his comments under the rug and forget about them. And just never speaking to him again seems really immature. But I also don't think I'm going to change his mind. If I couldn't convince the staunch Republicans who raised me that my poverty doesn't make me a lazy and worthless piece of trash, I doubt I'll be able to convince one who hasn't even seen me in 20 years.
He hasn't tried to communicate with me either, which is a bad sign. But then, why would he bother or care? It's not like he doesn't have plenty of other women in his life to give him attention. (His wife being only one of them.)
Wicca says that the Universe always strives for balance. Maybe the karmic price for people like him having more than enough love & sex & affection is that people like me don't get to have any. Maybe some people just don't deserve love & sex & affection. Y'know, just like some people don't deserve health care.