It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Yesterday a spot of blood showed up on my underwear and I wept with relief. But it was just that--a spot.
I can't believe my days of being a "young" woman are really over. Medically you have to go for 12 months without a period to be officially menopausal. But it's now been more than 3 months and there isn't any other medical explanation. So it's really over for me.
There hasn't been a single day in the past week where I haven't broken down and wept over the loss of a womanhood I never got to have. I thought I was hopeless before, but now I'm really hopeless. Who will ever want me now?
My performance review is this week. Normally this fills me with dread to the point of being physically ill, but I'm so depressed right now that I just don't fucking care. Nothing matters to me anymore.
Why the fuck am I still alive? I serve no purpose on this earth.
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