It's a GAD GAD World
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
RE: My last post--famous last words. A couple of hours after I posted I started bleeding and it's still going on. But that's only been a few days. Maybe I'll be lucky & I'll have a normal period this time around.

Work has just been sheer and utter hell. I spent most of the day crying on and off. My boss feels bad for me. The higher-ups are blaming her for the ugly situation in our office but it's not her fault. It's the way the office is structured. Things were ugly long before she arrived on the scene.

I can't stop crying. It's not just work, it's being lonely. I just can't stand it. And yet this very day I broke down and cried to a friend who's on the verge of filing for divorce because her unemployed husband sits around and does nothing all day. She's not alone, but she's no better off.

I'll be the first person to acknowledge that there are worse things than being alone. I just can't understand why that seems to be my only option. I'd just like to be able to curl up on the couch with someone & watch tv. I want someone to go to concerts with. And I'd like to be able to give a really good backrub. I'd say that I'd like to give one too, but that would probably be too greedy of me.

The world is just getting uglier and uglier. People are meaner and more desperate. I feel like something is going to explode. I feel like I'M going to explode. And when either of those explosions occurs it's not going to be pretty.

I might have mentioned that I might be moving to a different position in my place of employment. I just found out that it might be weeks before that happens. I swear, I'm going to lose it if I don't get out of my situation soon. I actually told my boss that I wish I could be fired just so I could go home and sleep.

Is this all that there is to life? Work like a dog, come home and collapse, lather rinse repeat? Why am I even alive? I'm of no use to anyone. I can't even do my job right anymore. I've got this huge data entry project that I'm way behind on and I just found out today that I missed one of the steps, so I have to go back and pretty much do it all over again. So the entire operation of the office is being held up because I can't follow fucking directions.

And to all of you who think I'm just being whiny, well...I'm being whiny here because I don't have anyplace else to be whiny, and I've got to be whiny somewhere and let it all out. If I were a decent enough human being to be worthy of a relationship I could lean on my guy's shoulder and cry. But I'm not and I don't. If you don't like it, why are you wasting your time reading my blog? There are plenty of places for you to troll.

I think I'm going to go take some remeron now.

Pat are you serious? There are people that read your blog and whine about your whining? They've come to the wrong place. This is called the real world. If they want to live with their head in the clouds they can go read 'my life is perfect @ blogspot' or something. It's like they've picked up your personal journal and then complained about the contents...Like in Bridesmaids...'oh I just thought it was a really really sad handwritten book' :) Yes you're alone (you wouldn't be if I lived in the US) but you're not the only one. Not that that helps much. But you didn't even ask for my opinion so tell me to STFU.
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