It's a GAD GAD World
Friday, November 11, 2011
I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR
I've been listening to a lot of music over the past few weeks. A LOT of music.
I've also been watching a lot of news coverage, and not just because of the hot reporter.
For a long time I've felt that my life was empty. And for some reason that feeling has gotten worse over the past few weeks. But I don't know how to fill the void.
Religion? Nah. I had too much of that dogma & diatribe rammed down my throat during my childhood & adolescence. Volunteer work? Most days I'm so exhausted when I get home from work that I don't even have the energy to cook dinner & I just shove whatever's handy into my mouth & pass out watching the news. Throwing myself into my work? No, I'm already drowning in it.
A relationship? Yeah, that would work. But if I knew how to make that happen, I would have done it years ago.
The good news is I have nothing I *have* to do this weekend. The bad news is I have nothing to do this weekend. It seems I'm either crazy busy on the weekend & I have no time to recover from my work week, or I spend the weekend staring at the walls going stir crazy.
I'm not suicidal. But I don't really see the point of living if this is all there is. If the world is so damn overpopulated, and I'm not responsible for anyone but myself, why would wanting to check out early make me insane?
Let me repeat: I AM NOT SUICIDAL. I have no plans to kill myself. But it seems like my entire life is just marking time waiting for something to happen. Like death. Because I don't see anything else happening.
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