QUIET
I've called this post QUIET because 1) that's the name of the book that may change my life--or at least, change the way I think about my GAD; 2) It's what I should be right now because its late & I should be in bed; and 3) it's what I want my raging libido to do about Mr. Reporter.

The book I'm referring to is "Quiet" by Susan Cain. Basically, the book is about how introverts are people too and what tends to happen to them in a culture that favors extrovertism. For a long time I've felt that my GAD was under control but that at any moment, at any given time, something could happen to make it rear its ugly head again. After reading this book I'm beginning to think that maybe what makes it rear its ugly head is me being forced to do something that's anti-introvert. I'm definitely an introvert, and I think I'm becoming more introverted as I age.

I could write a huge fucking post on this, but I need to get to bed. Hey 1 follower, remind me to talk more about this, would you?

So now I'll shift gears to Mr. Reporter. Our local Emmy awards were this weekend, and he picked up some metal. I'm on his FB page, and no one has congratulated him. So why don't I? Because right now I post more often to his page than he does himself. And I try hard to hold back. I try not to post more often than once or twice a month, and I could be posting every DAY if I let myself. (That's not counting comments on his posts about his news segments.)

The day the nominations came out I knew exactly what I would post the day before the ceremony to give him some encouragement, and I did exactly that.

For the record, even though my posts might be a little excessive, I've never said anything sexual or even flirtatious. And for the record, he has never responded to anything I've posted. But then, he doesn't respond to anyone on his FB page.

This is how bad it's getting. When I first started cyber-stalking him I found a gay-related website where people can post threads on whatever topics pop into their heads. Someone had started a thread wondering if Mr. Reporter was gay. And as you can probably imagine, this opened the floodgates for a whole slew of suggestive comments from people involving what they'd like to do to Mr. Reporter if they had the chance. The site isn't moderated real closely, so people can basically say whatever they want on the site & there aren't going to be a lot of consequences. If you believe what's posted, he's a phenomenal drag queen/he's homophobic (beause he gets hit on a lot)/he's a Palin worshipper.

Why is this bad for me? Because I'm thinking about joining the site just so I can get in on the conversation. I'm the only person I know who thinks this guy is cute, & I'd like to be able to talk about him. I don't talk about him to anyone in my real life because I'm afraid they'll check out his FB page and see my posts. I don't gush about how cute he is on FB because I don't want to freak him out in the event we ever did meet in real life.

And if I DID have a Real Life, I wouldn't have so much time to think about this guy, would I?

As for the allegations on the site, I think if he were a crossdresser photos would have surfaced somewhere on the internet by now. As for him being homophobic, I don't know. He's heavily involved in a charity that happens to deal with a lot of LGBT people, and I doubt he would stay that involved if he were really homophobic. As for him being homophobic because he gets hit on, I can understand that. He's not exactly the most rugged butch guy on the planet, and I've got short hair and the body of Jabba the Hut. When you're single and you fit the gay stereotype for your gender, it's not that you dislike gay people, but you've got your defenses up because you don't want people thinking *you're* gay. Not because you think there's something wrong with it, but because you don't want to give any potential significant others the wrong idea.

And as for him being a Palin worshipper, it's possible. I have reason to believe he's a Republican, so this is possible.

Oh God, do you see what I mean? I just can't shut up about this guy when I have the chance to spew. And this place is going to be the only place I can spew unless I join the site.

OK, going to bed before I make myself look any more pathetic than I already do.
- posted by Pat @ 10:21 PM