It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, April 22, 2012
There seems to be a pattern in my life.

I become friends with someone. At some point they do something to make me mad. I stand up for myself and let them know (as respectfully as I can) that they offended me/I'm uncomfortable with what they did/whatever. They respond by completely cutting me out of their lives.

It happened with my parents. It's happened with a few friends. More than a few. And now it's happened with someone on FB. I've never met her in real life, but she's mutual friends with some of my friends, and that's how we "met". I thought she was a good friend. Then we disagreed about something. She allowed her friends to take a lot of cheap shots at me and stood by silently and did nothing. I wrote her a letter telling her that this wasn't cool and this wasn't how friends treat each other. She didn't respond, so I de-friended her. And within the past week, she blocked me.


In other news, I'm thinking about volunteering for a charity supported by Mr. Reporter. Actually, I've been thinking about it for about 9 months now. What's stopping me? Aside from worrying how I'll be able to balance it with work, I'm worried about what would happen if I actually met Mr. Reporter & he figured out I'm the person who's constantly posting on his wall.

What makes me want to do it? Aside from the possibility of actually meeting Mr. Reporter, the charity deals with issues that are important to me, I have skills and background that I believe would make me a good fit, know all the whining I've been doing here about how my life is so empty and is this all there is and why am I even alive, yadda yadda ad nauseum? This might be a solution.

Depressed people tend to be introspective, and anxious people tend to overthink. This means I'm really good at taking a given situation and contemplating every possible outcome. So I've thought about all the potential issues here. Would I still be interested in this organization even if Mr. Reporter weren't involved with it? Yes--as I said, it deals with issues that interest me. Is Mr. Reporter the reason I'm interested in volunteering? Yes and no. Yes because if it weren't for him I wouldn't even know this charity exists. (And yeah, it would be cool to meet him.) No, because as I said, the charity deals with issues that are important to me. What if I never meet Mr. Reporter? That's ok--as I said, I have reasons other than him for wanting to get involved. What will happen if/when Mr. Reporter figures out I'm all over his FB page? Ultimately I guess it will depend on how he reacts. But I do plan to be brutally honest and answer any of his questions. I know I'm not a threat to him in any way--I'm not interested in following him home & rooting through his garbage or any of that creepy crap. And I'm not stupid enough to think he'd be remotely interested in me. If he's still uncomfortable, that's his problem, not mine. What if I meet Mr. Reporter and he's a total asshole? THAT could be problematic. Then it would depend on how much interaction I'd be required to have with him. If I couldn't work something out where we would be working with the charity at different times, worst case scenario is that one of us would have to go. And since he's very heavily involved and I would just be a flunky volunteer, the person who would end up going would be me. Then again, it would be a problem if *anyone* I worked with was an asshole towards me.

So...I think I'm going to do it. I think I'm going to email the charity. On my birthday. We'll see what happens from there.

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