It's a GAD GAD World
Monday, June 10, 2013
First, I will actually talk about something GAD-related for a change.

When I first lost my job, I pretty much stopped taking my meds cold turkey. I have no idea when I'll be able to get meds again. While I do qualify for assistance under Zadroga, the catch is that I have to visit the clinic EVERY WEEK in order to get any kind of drug help. And I can't afford the $13/week it would cost me to go into the city.

A few weeks ago I started noticing a tremor in my hand. Twitching is one of the physical symptoms of GAD. So I went back on Namenda for a few days and it went away. And I've had some periods in the past month or so when I've felt nervous/anxious for no particular reason. Took doxepin for a few days, the anxiety went away.

So last week I had a job interview. Before I left my apartment I popped a klonopin. I was fine during the interview, but for the rest of the day I just felt really sluggish & crappy.

Then it dawned on me. Klonopin was a drug I was taking nearly EVERY FUCKING DAY while I was working. How did I manage to do it?

And now, back to my favorite subject--Mr. Reporter. How bad is it this week? I was up till 1am last night/this morning reading astrological sites talking about how to seduce a man of his astrological sign. I don't know exactly when his birthday is, but I've seen enough birthday comments on his FB page to have a pretty good clue as to his sign. Astrologically, we're not TOTALLY compatible, but we're compatible enough.

Of course, if I'm going to seduce the man, I have to meet him first. I honestly don't know if that will ever happen.

But many of these sites say that in order to pique his interest, you should challenge him intellectually. Voice a viewpoint that's controversial/significantly different from his own. Well, check. I've been doing that for nearly 2 years! I like his reporting, but I don't necessarily like everything he does. And when I disagree with him or think he could take his report further, I tell him. Of course, I also tell him when I think he's doing a good job. The way I look at it, he probably doesn't want someone who's going to blow fluff up his ass all the time. And this way when I tell him I like what he did, he knows that it's because I really do like what he did. Because if I didn't I wouldn't hesitate to tell him.

These sites also say to let him make the first move, and let him think that every move is his idea. OK, maybe not that difficult. In all the time I've been following him I have never once attempted to meet him or even suggested to him that we do. This is because I'd rather never meet him at all than do/say something that would make him reluctant to meet me. You have to be careful with people when you're in the public eye. If I start putting pressure on him that could freak him out. So I don't.

But then it says that I have to be very confident in bed. Uh-oh. I might need a lot of klonopin if/when I ever get to that point. But as we all know, that's a HUGE if.

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