HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (OH, NOT AGAIN!)
It's 5:30am on my birthday and I'm wide awake. Why the hell would I be up at the crack of ass when it's my birthday? Well, the remeron I took roughly 12 hours ago has finally worn off and I'm no longer sleepy.

Yesterday was just such a day from hell at work. I'm not going to go into details because it's my birthday and I want to try & think good thoughts today & relaying what happen will just dredge up bad thoughts. But the first thing I did when I got home was pop a remeron. Well, 1/4 of a remeron. That's enough to do it for me.

I managed to check my email and watch the news. By 7pm I was feeling a little sleepy, so I crawled into bed. By 8pm I was out. And aside from a couple of momentary wake-ups during the night, I stayed asleep till about 4am. I tossed and turned for an hour, then said the hell with it and got up.

I'm already showered and halfway dressed. My plan for today is to head into the city & go to my favorite used music shop, where I can buy CDs for cheap. I'm also planning to look for jobs. I can't take much more at my current one.

It's my cat's birthday too. Judging by how old we think he was when I found him, it's likely that he was born during the month of may. So I always celebrate his birthday on the same day I celebrate mine.

My goals for today are to eat healthy food & get some exercise. The exercise won't be a problem when I head into the city because I plan to do a lot of walking once I get there.

I suppose I should do something more exciting, but it's just harder and harder for me to come up with things to do for myself on special days that don't involve spending money. And I really need to cut back on that. It's increasingly unlikely that I will ever find a man to love me, let alone support me. And if I'm going to be the only one looking out for myself, then it's up to me to make sure I'm financially stable. Even if it means working at a job that destroys my sanity and makes me cry on a daily basis.

Gotta go check the job boards now.
- posted by Pat @ 5:30 AM