It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, July 24, 2011
For the past 4 days I've been shut inside my apartment. It's way too hot to go outside, but that doesn't mean it's any better in here.

Even with the AC on full blast my cat & I are still sweltering. I think I've taken more showers over the wknd than I have in the past month. Supposedly it's going to get better tonight, but by then it will be too late for me to run any errands. Last night I took some remeron & slept on the floor just so I could feel the AC's tepid breeze.

Next week is my last day off before Hell Month. And it really will be a hell month thanks to what's going down at my job. It's Sunday morning and I've just got this big knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach because I've got to go to work tomorrow.

I've heard news reports & seen articles that say this is not an uncommon phenomenon. Many people experience anxiety on Sundays because they know they have to go to work the next day. Supposedly there's a name for it, but I don't know what it is. If/when I see another article I'll link to it here.

The only good thing about this wknd was that I got to send out a lot of resumes. My boss is on vacation for the next 2 weeks. My fantasy is that I'll land a job while she's gone & I can resign before she returns.

I wish it was over.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011
This is where my life has gone in the past month. It's also why I haven't blogged in a while. Funny how when I have something to blog about that's actually GAD-related, I'm too stressed out to do it. Let's pause for a moment to savor the irony.

So here's what's happened in the past month:

*I ducked into a parking lot on my way to work to avoid a pain-in-the-ass neighbor one morning. The next morning, someone from the business whose parking lot I ducked into knocked on my door at 7am to inform me that I was on the verge of being arrested for trespassing in the lot (despite the fact that there are NO "no trespassing" signs anywhere on the property). The threat of arrest didn't freak me out, but the fact that this person knew where I lived and knew what door to knock on within 24 hours of my "trespassing" scared the shit out of me.

*That same day, my Boss informs me that we're moving out of the office we've occupied for 3 years & I'm being assigned to the Desk from Hell. (The Desk has existed for 5 years and 7 people have been assigned to it. I'll be #8. Need I say more?) I provide boss with several possible alternatives to my sitting at the DfH, & she says she'll pass it along to the powers-that-be. I start cranking off resumes, because there is no way in hell I'm staying at that desk.

*Monday, Boss drops the bomb. I'm going to the DfH. All of my alternative solutions were discussed and rejected. And it's happening Friday.

*Today: While we're trying to pack up our office, an announcement goes out that we're going to be closed for the next 2 days due to the heat. This means that the office will NOT be ready to go by Monday when we re-open. (And the pissy VP is just going to have to live with that.)

As I'm leaving to go home I see a big bag of semi-usable stuff that Boss threw out in an attempt to clear out her office. I start digging through it & I find the CD I gave her for Christmas 3 years ago. She never even took it home or listened to it.

Then I get home & there's a letter under my door from my landlord. He's jacking up my rent again. I can't say I'm surprised. It's been almost 2 years since the last rent hike, so I guess I had it coming. But it really wasn't what I needed right now.

So I've officially relapsed. My GAD is back in full swing, just in time for Hell Month. There's just this gnawing anxiety in the pit of my stomach that won't go away.

If you add up my new rent and what I'm paying for the storage unit I got because I *thought* I'd be able to clear out space for a new bed that I desperately need, it's almost $900/month. For that amount I could probably find another apartment. But landlords in these parts like to see evidence of stable employment. If I take a new job now that goes out the window. So ideally I should find a new place before I find a new job. But there's no way I can pack and move during Hell Month. And I'm really hoping to get out of here before Hell Month starts. Boss is about to go on vacation for 2 weeks. I would LOVE to find a job before she comes back.

After 5 years, I'm tired of being punished for doing a good job.

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