BRUSH WITH DISASTER
Saw my pdoc Monday. I told her the depression seemed to be getting worse, not in terms of severity, but in terms of length. To make a long story short, she put me on Zoloft.

I had always sworn I would never do an SSRI. And now I swear I will never do them again. I've spent the past 4 days feeling really shitty. It was almost, but not quite, as bad as Effexor.

I want to get better, but not if it means getting worse. At this point I'm thinking I'd rather just live with the depression. My ordinary self I can live with, it just isn't much fun. At least I don't feel horrible.

I've had the entire week off from work. I had this wild & crazy idea that I was going to clean my apartment. And while I did get some major things on my cleaning list accomplished, my apartment still looks just as trashed as it did when I came home on Friday night.

There are so many things I would like to do, but I just can't get off my ass and do them. I spent nearly the entire day today lying on the couch. Although I did get a haircut. That was my main accomplishment for the day.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better...
- posted by Pat @ 10:31 PM | 0 comments

 
NOTHING MUCH
Yeah, I know I said I was going to try & blog every day. So much for that.

I'm so fucking sick & tired of being set off by little things. My neighbor recently had foot surgery & asked me to get her mail & do other errands for her while she was recuperating.

So 2 nights ago I called her to tell her I was on my way upstairs with the mail. She asked me to bring the key too. So I go upstairs, she barely opens the door, doesn't even say hello, just takes the mail, mumbles "thank you" & slams the door in my face.

Then last night as I was getting off the bus, I heard a woman on her cell phone chewing out her son. THIS DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME! And it still made me feel bad.

I have all of next week off from work, then I don't go back till the day after the holiday. I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to it.

Work really isn't that bad. God knows I've been in worse places. But it will be nice to get a break.

In other news, I had written a letter to UCLA about their Namenda-GAD trial. I never heard back from them.

And yes, I'm still thinking about the Cute Guy. Much as I don't want to. It's been well over 2 months since I've communicated with him. I know at some point I'll see him again. I'm just glad that his life has been so fucking perfect that he's never gotten kicked n the face by fate.
- posted by Pat @ 9:06 PM | 0 comments