It's a GAD GAD World
Sunday, November 19, 2006
First, I want to apologize to everyone I've neglected since my last post. I haven't forgotten you, I've just been so damn stressed out that I needed to focus on me first.

Here's what's been happening. Without going into major detail, something happened here at home that freaked me out. As a result, I've been looking for a new place to live. And in the very short time I've been doing that I have been jerked around in so many ways & seen so many scams that the process has left me physically and emotionally exhausted. I've spent the better part of the past 24 hours in bed, either doing nothing or crying from sheer tension.

This is not good for me. I *know* this is not good for me. And it's got me thinking that maybe I should forget about moving, stay here, & put up with the creepy shit that's been going on here.

I'm just so damn sick & tired of having to take care of myself all of the time. I'd like someone else to take care of me for a change. Not 24/7. Just once in a while, for maybe half an hour. For 30 goddamn minutes I'd like to lean on someone's shoulder & let them do the worrying for me.

It's only 8:30 now, but I think I'm going to take my sleepy pill & call it a night. Thank God I've got a short work week. Not that I'll actually be doing anything for the holiday, but at least I'll have time to get some rest.

Monday, November 06, 2006
God I hope I spelled that name right. If I didn't, I'm sure some reader will correct me.

First of all, thanks Adam for your comment. I always suspected there was a connection between mental illness & government, now I know what it is! :)

But back to Kirstie. Didja see her on Oprah this afternoon? My jaw dropped during the episode. Not because of her bikini stunt--I could care less about that. My jaw-dropping moment came while they were showing her "before" pictures--y'know, the ones where she was really heavy, before she hooked up with Jenny Craig. As the pictures appeared on the screen, Oprah mentioned Kirstie's "before" weight.

The number was exactly what I weigh right now.

This woman, who is about 20 years older than I am and probably has way shittier metabolism than I do, managed over the course of 2 years to drop 75 pounds. And quit smoking. And I can't even manage to stay away from the ice cream.

I had a couple of other slap-in-the-face moments today. The first happened earlier this morning, when I ran into a neighbor whom I hadn't seen in a while. She had said something to me a while back about having a couple of empty bedrooms, & I thought that maybe I could make a much easier job of cleaning out and beautifying my apartment if I could store some of my crap in one of her bedrooms for a while. To make a long story short, she said no. She wasn't nasty about it or anything, & I'm certainly not angry with her about it, but I was kind of hoping I could do this in order to clean my shithole, and now that's up in smoke.

The second moment occurred when I got my monthly bank statement. For the second consecutive month, I spent more money than I made. Not by a huge amount, & I've got enough in savings that this isn't a financial crisis, but it pisses me off that I can't live within my means.

My spending is out of control. My weight is out of control. My mess in my apartment is out of control. And I don't know how to get control back.

Saturday, November 04, 2006
Thanks Jane for your post. You're more than welcome to email me privately (just post a comment with your email address & I'll reject the comment so it doesn't get published), but I think you would be better served joining an internet group for crazy people like yourself (and myself!).

There are lots out there, but the one I'm the most familiar with is Nose around that one for a while & see how you feel about it.

And to the rest of you--I know there are a zillion repeats of my post "THE UNSPECTACULAR CONCLUSION". When I first posted it Blogger kept giving me a msg that it didn't post, so I kept re-posting it. I'll get around to deleting all the extra posts eventually...

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