It's a GAD GAD World
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
To make a long story short, I've picked out a computer that I want to buy. Its only disadvantage is that it doesn't have a floppy drive, which means I'm going to have to put all the stuff I have on floppy onto my current hard drive, then burn it onto a CD. It will be a pain in the ass, but doable.

But not nearly as big of a pain as when I tried to purchase it online late this afternoon. My credit card wouldn't go through. I've had this card for 15 years with no problem. I called the onlie retailer, & they said sometimes the bank puts a hold on big purchases as a means of fraud prevention. I called the credit card company to tell them to take off the hold. 45 minutes later, I find out that there were in fact some fraudulent charges on my card (2 charges of $1 each to Napster & iTunes), my card has been cancelled, and I'm having a new one shipped to me tomorrow.

Also, one of the IT guys at work is going to install it for me, so I won't have to pay those other bozos $150 each.

I just want to put my head in someone's lap right now and have my head stroked. Dogs & cats have such a great life. The ones with good homes, that is. It took every ounce of strength I had not to call the guy I kissed a few weeks ago & invite him out for a drink.

I really need to come up with a nickname for this guy. Let's call him the Guitar God. And no, I've not heard from him, and I'm not expecting to. But he gives me something to dream about while I wish I could win the lottery so I could tell everyone at my job to go fuck themselves. Except that would be a physical impossibility for some of the idiots I work with because they're too tight.

Sunday, August 17, 2008
My piece-of-shit computer is fading fast.

Yesterday I chaperoned a field trip for our students. I came home, shoved some food in my face, took some Remeron, and promptly collapsed.

Shortly after 1am I was jerked awake by the sound of my cell phone beeping. I had received a text message. It was from my computer geek friend whom I had told back at the end of July that I needed to replace my crap NOW. His text msg said that he & his friend might be able to swing by my place today to set up specifics. They also want me to write them a check so they can go out & purchase my new stuff.

Am I crazy, or is it just a little bit inconsiderate to wait until 1am the day you want to come over to tell me you want to come over?

It gets better. I initially told this friend that I had $600 to spend thanks to Uncle Sam's stimulus check. Shortly after I sent him the email that my stuff had to be updated ASAP, he sends me an email back saying that he's just a consultant, his friend is the engineer who hooks everything up, and he wants $150. My friend will be happy to take whatever I'm willing to offer him. I can't exactly pay his friend $150 & pay him less, now can I? So I agreed to pay them both $150.

Then my friend sends me an estimate of what my computer equipment is going to cost. Somewhere in the $850-1,000 range. Did I mention that my budget was $600? And if I'm paying them each $150, that knocks my budget down to $300?

So I sent out an email blast this morning to my friends asking if anyone knew a computer geek. One friend sent me a link to Gateway's site (I'll check it out at work where I have better internet service), another told me to go to Best Buy & the Geek Squad would help me.

If either one of these companies will send a geek out to my apartment to install, I'm going to go with it. And to hell with this "friend" of mine.

In other news, I have an appointment this week with a staffing agency. We'll see how it goes. But it doesn't look as though there will be a problem finding me a job that pays at least $40k/year. Let's just hope it's a job that doesn't destroy my sanity.

Sunday, August 10, 2008
Websites everywhere are updating, including Blogger. Unfortunately, my piece-of-shit computer with its piece-of-shit Windows 98 can't handle all the updates. So I got screwed out of Blogger for a while. I'm still screwed out of Excite, but I tried Blogger again just now for the hell of it. So I'm posting because God knows when I'll be able to post again.

I have absolutely hit the wall at my job. My ultra-efficient colleague left 2 weeks ago. It was my job to throw the party. There wasn't enough food because my boss wouldn't let me spend very much money. My colleague not only didn't bother to thank me, she didn't even say goodbye to me.

Already I'm starting to see just how much of a buffer she was to me and how much shit she had to take. Thursday of the first week she was gone, I left the office, went outside & sat on a bench, and just bawled.

That's when I made up my mind. I am definitely leaving. I've been browsing job sites & signing up for email alerts. No interviews yet, but that's not entirely bad considering August is sheer hell at my job and it wouldn't be easy for me to sneak away for an interview anyway.

And about the guy I kissed 2 weeks ago--I haven't heard from him. Not a peep. And despite this I'm still thinking about sending him a birthday card. I know, I'm a loser with no self-respect.

But something happened that night. For about 10 minutes I took leave of my senses and said, what if? What if I'm not the fat ugly person I think I am? What if I'm a normal human being who is actually capable of being loved? What if this guy for whom I've been carrying a torch for six years feels the same thing I do when we see each other across the room?

Like I said, I took leave of my senses. I should have known better. And no, I was not drunk. I wasn't even on meds. I have no one to blame for that kiss but myself.

But it was a nice kiss. And for about 24 hours I was actually happy. And then reality set in.

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