It's a GAD GAD World
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Thanks Dave for your comment. I always appreciate it when others out there take the time to let me know they're reading.

On top of everything else, 2 crappy things happended to me today. My dinner is coming out of the oven at any moment, so I can't elaborate too much right now. But one of them involves work. I just found out that despite the fact that I've got 2 college degrees and a wealth of college experience, I am going to spend the next 9 months babysitting the phone. I know, it could be worse. But I was led to believe that my skills would be valued here, & I was dumb enough to believe the bullshit I was fed.

The second thing involves a friend of mine who hosted music parties in his home for more than a decade. The powers-that-be in his building have suddenly decided that his get-togethers are a nuisance. So he's pulling the plug on them.

This absolutely fucking sucks. It's getting harder & harder to enjoy good music in the city without getting raped by the big commercial music industry. And now this.

Sorry this is so abrupt, but I've got to eat now.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006
This is one of my not-very-interesting-but-trying-to-stay-in-the-habit-of-writing posts.

The good news is that my co-worker from hell did not show up today. The bad news was that 1) today was a day from hell and 2) the evil co-worker will be in tomorrow. Then on top of that I came home, attempted to change my clothes, & the zipper on my pants broke. So now I'm going to try to head to Macy's tomorrow after work to replace them.

I feel so empty and useless. I am so isolated & cut off from the world. Like I don't matter to anyone. Like I never will matter.

Monday, April 17, 2006

I had thought that today was going to be my last day before my co-worker from hell came back from vacation, but she called my boss today to tell him she's in the hospital with some nasty eye allergy. So I may get a reprieve.

The other thing I wanted to share with you all was that on my last visit to my nice p-doc (this past Friday) I got the address for Forest Pharmaceuticals. This may be totally naive and crazy, but I think I'm going to write them a letter asking them to consider doing some research on Namenda as a possible GAD drug. If this drug is helping me, I can't help but think there must be someone else out there who could benefit from it as well.

I belong to a couple of message boards for crazy people, & some of the entries are just so damn depressing. I know for a fact that people out there are suffering. And yet when I mention Namenda, no one's ever heard of it.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

I've decided that the solution (or at least part of the solution) to my stuck-in-a-rut problem is to start another blog.

And no, I'm not telling you where it is. It's very important that I keep these two blogs separate. This blog that you're reading now is for the fellow freaks & crazy people like myself. This is the place where I share the deep dark personal stuff that I wouldn't want the people in my life to know about. My other blog is going to be about the stuff that interests me & will hopefully garner me some recognition someday.

So if you don't hear from me every day, don't worry! I'm probably blogging elsewhere. I will still blog here about my treatment or about my co-worker from hell & about CG if/when we ever speak to each other again, or about any other nice guys that come into my life. Just not every day.

Friday, April 14, 2006

The Cute Guy is history.

One week ago today (on the 1-year anniversary of my firing from Prestigious Institution), I said I wanted to talk to him about some stuff. And immediately he goes into "I'm not comfortable with that, I'm not the right person, I didn't know how to say it without sounding like an ass", blah blah blah. I wanted to talk to him about WRITING, fer Chrissake!

I'm not upset that he doesn't want to be my therapist. He SHOULDN'T want to be my therapist. That's healthy. He's not trained for it. What upsets me is that a full year after one horrible night, he's still judging me on the basis of one evening.

I give up. I absolutely fucking give up. Nothing I do or say is ever going to convince him that I'm not a monster. So I had a bad night. We ALL have bad nights. I can't take away what happened.

This week at work was relatively good, mainly because my annoying co-worker from hell took vacation this week. That's the good news. The bad news is because she took her vacation all in one lump, it means I'm going to have to put up with her for the remainder of the calendar year. God give me strength. She's a lying, backstabbing snake.

But back to writing. I realize that I'm not going to get any help from CG, so I'm going to have to figure things out on my own. I'm going to try to blog every day. This may mean that my next several posts are nothing but inconsequential blather, so be warned. But I have to get in the discipline of writing every day, even if I have nothing to write about.

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