It's a GAD GAD World
Monday, January 30, 2012
...goin' down the only road I've ever known
like a drifter I was born to walk alone

When I was younger and braver that song was my personal statement about how I did things my way and in my own time and how I didn't follow conventions just because they were conventional. Now that I'm older and wimpier the song is just a pathetic ironic commentary on my (lack of) love life.

Let's to tell this story without giving away too much identifying information? First of all, this is a story about Mr. Reporter. (You know, the one I've never met, the one who's several years younger than I am, the one I don't even stand much of a chance of meeting, let alone hooking, because he's either got a ton of much younger and much more attractive women on his tail and/or other body parts or he's gay.)

Once upon a time, Mr. Reporter worked in a city that I'm familiar with. (Not the city near which I currently live.) He recently made a public comment about missing a certain restaurant in Other City.

So I did some net-sleuthing and discovered that there's a restaurant here that serves some of the Favorite Restaurant's food. I also discovered that there's a bar not too far from the restaurant that serves an alcoholic beverage manufactured only in Other City. (Mr. Reporter likes his alcoholic beverages.)

I found this stuff in the morning. I debated for about half an hour as to whether I should send him the information. I hesitated because I've posted info to him before. Never gotten any response, never expected to. Then I did the wimpy thing and asked a few of my FB friends what they thought. Out of 7 people, 1 person responded & said I should do it because it might turn into a date. I would have laughed at her response if it hadn't been so pathetic.

Bottom line: I posted it. I do not expect to hear from him. I'll be lucky if he doesn't kick me off the board.

It's just part of a pattern that I can't seem to shake. I pine for impossible men because there don't seem to be any REAL possible men out there. And on the rare once-a-decade moment when I do find a real possible man, it blows up in my face. (See: Red.)

On the good news front, my Boss is away from the office for the next 3 days. My colleague and I had a very peaceful & productive day.

I still wish I could get an answer on the sex question I wrote about in my last post.

Friday, January 27, 2012
There's something I want to know. And I know I don't have too many people who follow this blog, but I'm asking here because I'm too ashamed to admit that I don't know the answer.

If you're in the NYC area you might have heard that there's a news personality who's in a bit of hot water. (And no, it's not the Hot Reporter I've mentioned in previous posts. Completely different person.) Seems that about 3 months ago Newsguy met a woman on the street. They went into a bar, had a few drinks, then they headed to the office where she works & had sex. The woman is now claiming that it wasn't consensual, that it was rape.

Here's what I want to know. And I'm sorry I have to ask this, because I really don't know. How do two complete strangers meet on the street and end up having sex with each other? Please understand that I am not condemning people who do this. Whatever two consenting adults choose to do, so long as they don't hurt each other or anyone else, is up to them. I just want to know how people can have sex with people they barely know.

I *want* to have sex. Even though it scares me to death, I truly want it. But I want it to be with someone I know. Someone I feel comfortable and safe with. Someone who fits me like my favorite pair of jeans or a warm cuddly sweater.

And just as I typed that last sentence a song by Cute Brother popped up on my Realplayer. Crap.

Is that my problem? That I expect too much before jumping into bed? Not that anyone's wanted me to jump in their bed. You might think that's hypocritical after my cyberfling with Mr. Married. But you have to understand that I've known Mr. Married since I was a teenager. I thought I'd be safe with him. I thought I could trust him. Obviously I was wrong.

My New Boss hates me. I don't want to go into it. But it's not a question of whether she's going to fire me, it's a question of when. It's getting late and my internet is crapping out, so I'm going to post before I lose this forever.

If you have an answer for me I'd really like to hear it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012
All of my test results came back near the end of December. Mammogram/ultrasound: normal. Echocardiogram: Normal. Stress test: I didn't last the full 8 minutes (I could only do 6), but they were able to get the info they needed, which was that elevating my heart rate doesn't induce my heart to jump to the unregulated WPW pathway. And most latest blood work shows that my triglycerides dropped by 90 points. My overall cholesterol level is still a little high, but I'm not a heart attack waiting to happen. As for my blood glucose, apparently I have to score a 5.6 to be within "possible increased risk for diabetes". I came in at 5.7--but this could have had something to do with all the carrot sticks I was munching prior to the blood draw. Normally I can make it the full 12 hours without feeling REAL hungry, but for some reason this time around it was really difficult. Carrots do contain a small amount of sugar.

So I'm fine, bitches. And contrary to what the cardio clowns told me, my heart is NOT running on the unregulated WPW pathway 24/7, which means I am NOT about to drop dead of cardiac arrest at any given moment. I mean, it still could happen, but given that I've been living with this my whole life, and that I've only had 2 episodes in the past 2 years, neither of which raised my heart rate to a dangerous level and neither of which even caused me to lose consciousness, it isn't likely.

I was hoping to venture out and do something today, but it's just too damn cold. I like to go out on Sundays when I don't have to work the next day because I troll the public garbage cans for Sunday coupon inserts, but it is FREEZING out. And I have to go out tomorrow because I have a p-doc appointment.

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