It's a GAD GAD World
Saturday, June 30, 2007
A couple of housecleaning notes before I get into what's really bothering me.

First, thanks to Beautiful Struggle for your comment. It always makes me feel good to know that someone is reading. Your words meant a great deal to me.

Secondly, I'm able to get into my Excite account again. So that's fixed.

Now...I am so angry, frustrated, scared, anxious, stomach is tied up in knots and I don't know what to do.

As you all know if you've been reading my posts of late, I spent about 2 years taking a lot of crap from my now-former p-doc (the White Russian). I had a major blowout with her in January. (Full details are in a previous post.) After busting my ass to find a replacement for her elsewhere, I ultimately decided to see a nurse-practitioner who works out of the same office. (Less paperwork, my entire medical history is right in front of her, yadda yadda.)

While the n-p copped an attitude and gave me a lecture about my blowout with the White Russian during my initial visit in February, a subsequent visit in March went very smoothly. Not one word about my "bad girl" behavior, just business as usual. I thought things would be OK after this. Wrong!

I had a visit with the n-p yesterday. This was my first visit with her since March. (She had told me to see her only when I needed meds, and to see a t-doc in between, which is what I've been doing.) It was also the first time I'd seen the White Russian since our blowout. And by "seen" I don't mean I had an office visit, we just happened to be in the same office at the same time. She said nothing to me, I stayed buried in my newspaper and ignored her.

During my visit yesterday, the n-p asked me what meds I needed this time. I made my requests, which included Namenda. The n-p picked up the phone and called the White Russian to ask if she had any Namenda in her office (the n-p only had one starter pack in her office). After a few minutes, she hung up the phone.

Then she said, "Dr. [White Russian] was surprised to see you here." Then she said that I was "putting me in an uncomfortable position". Her last words to me before handing me my prescriptions were to "work things out with [the p-doc] so that I don't have to be in an awkward situation".

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! First of all, I did NOTHING to make this n-p feel uncomfortable. If anyone made her feel uncomfortable during my visit, it was the White Russian, not me!

Secondly, the n-p has no right to say anything like that to me after what transpired during our February visit. When I tried to explain to her what happened between me and the White Russian, she informed me that because she worked for the White Russian, she was not going to take sides on the issue. You can't throw a comment at me like what you said yesterday and not expect me to respond!

Thirdly, how am I supposed to patch things up with the White Russian when she threatened to terminate the office's professional relationship with me and ban me from coming to the office altogether?? And let's make no mistake: she's not cutting herself off from me because I "misbehaved". She's doing it because she came dangerously close to committing malpractice and she knows fully well that I'm aware of that fact. She's only cutting me off to cover her own ass.

What do I do, people? I tried finding another p-doc, but the only one I could find who would accept my program only sees patients between 10-5, which means I'd have to take time off work to see her. I suppose I could go back to the bushes & try to find someone else, but this is just going to be so damn hard.

What I really want is a competent professional who will treat me with dignity and respect. And if I can't have that, then I'll settle for someone who will just give me my damn meds every few months and I'll stay out of her hair.

I have an appt with the t-doc on Tuesday. I'll talk to her and see what she says. But if anyone out there has any suggestions in the meantime, I'd love to hear them.

Saturday, June 23, 2007
Ladies and gentlemen, I would just like to state for the record that EXCITE SUCKS MOOSE COCK!!

I STILL am not able to access my Excite account. When I try to get to it through Firefox, I get a screen telling me that the site has been completely shut down and that they're "working very hard" to try & fix it. When I try to go through Internet Explorer, I can get to the homepage. But when I try to go to email, I get a message saying that my browser won't support Excite and that I need to upgrade to IE7. When I try to upgrade to IE7, I'm told that my operating system (Windows 98) can't support IE7.

So...short of shelling out a few hundred bucks to upgrade my operating system, does anyone out there have any ideas on how to solve this? And does anyone know of a place (other than Hotmail, Yahoo, Excite, or Gmail) where I can set up a free email account?

In other news, the faculty member I mentioned in an earlier post was officially notified that he did not get the full-time position he applied for. I know this because I was the one who got to stuff all the envelopes for the rejection letters. I got an email from him today. He's trying very hard to find a full-time position over the summer. If he does, I may never see him again.

Why is fate conspiring against me? Am I going to spend the rest of my life alone? Just once, before I'm too old and too set in my ways, I would like to know the joy that another human being can bring into my life.

Sunday, June 17, 2007
I don't really have much to report since my last post, but I felt like blogging so here I am.

Just a heads up to any of you who might try to post a comment in the next few days. The email account that I use to access my blog is an Excite account. And if you've tried to logon to Excite at any time over this weekend, you know that Excite has been temporarily shut down.

When you post a comment, an email notification pops up in my Excite account letting me know that there's a comment waiting for me to review. But if Excite's not up and running, I'm not going to know about those little emails now, am I?

So be patient. I'll check into Blogger every few days & see if there's anything waiting for me.

I was actually somewhat productive this weekend. It all started with a Friday after-work blowout at Bath & Body Works. They had a sale this week with some stuff marked up to 75% off. Mind you, I have absolutely NO JUSTIFIABLE REASON for purchasing any type of toiletries. I've got a ginormous tote bag filled with hair care products, a drawer full of facial products, a shoebox full of lotion, plus half a garbage bag filled with miscellaneous toiletries that I haven't been able to figure out a place for yet.

But that didn't stop me from cashing in. :) A bargain is a bargain. I bought a couple of items for my boss in a scent that I know she likes (future holiday/birthday gift). I also purchased a purse stuffed with small samples for $3, another purse stuffed with 4 full-size items (body splash, shower gel, hand lotion, and bubble bath) for under $10 (originally retailed for $39.50), & 2 other full-size items. Grand total: $33.50. Not bad, eh?

Then yesterday I decided that I was sick & tired of the half-empty shopping bags lying around my apartment & I emptied every single one of them on my bed. I found homes for about half the stuff, then put the rest of the stuff back into shopping bags, which are now sitting on my kitchen floor. But now it's only 1 & 1/2 bags instead of a gazillion. I also took the huge B&BW bag I had lugged home on Friday & used it to throw out my cat's litter box (which was really grungy) & the newspaper I had placed underneath it (which was so grungy it was ready to walk out of my bathroom by itself). Cat now has a new litter box (aka one of those giant Reynolds disposable roasting pans) & clean newspaper underneath it. I also went grocery shopping at 2 different places.

Today: I went grocery shopping again to buy things that I hadn't known were on sale & therefore didn't bring coupons yesterday. I also whittled down a couple of inches of the newspaper mountain & picked up some of the crap off my floor. I can now actually see a small part of the floor. It's just big enough for the cat, who is now lying there comatose as I type this.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Not very exciting, but at least I didn't lie on the couch all day.

Last week at work was pretty peaceful because a lot of people were out the entire week. This week they'll be back, & I have a feeling that the workload is going to hit me full force. Maybe this is part of the reason why I have insomnia: I know that the sooner I fall asleep, the sooner morning will come, and the sooner I'll have to get up and go to work.

Speaking of going to sleep, it's time for me to do just that. 'Night!

Saturday, June 09, 2007
OK, now that I'm feeling marginally better, let's see if I can give a more detailed update on my so-called life...

Those of you who are regular followers of this blog (what, all 3 of you???) may recall that about a year ago this time, I was in a very stressful situation at work. To recap quickly, I broke down in my boss' office & sobbed to him that I couldn't take it any more, & he immediately reassigned me to a much saner office. I've been there ever since.

For budgetary reasons, my move to this nicer place had to be classified as "temporary". The plan was that pending the upcoming year's budgetary approval, an "official" position would be created, I would apply for it, & assuming I got it (I learned the hard way last year never to assume anything) my situation would become permanent.

What has transpired over the past few weeks is that the position was created, I applied for it, and I got it. Exactly as planned. But not before basically being told by my new boss that admins should be seen and not heard, ot before sweating out the entire process for nearly a month, not before my new boss just happened to mention at the very end of the interview that she needed me to report at 8am (which I CAN'T do because of my insomnia), and not before coming out of the crazy closet to both my former and now current boss.

I'm not worried about my new boss knowing about my craziness. I had planned to tell her anyway as soon as I knew the position was mine. On the other hand, I am absolutely SICK about my now-former boss knowing. Don't ask how I came out. Basically, I was cornered like a trapped animal. Long story, don't wanna go into it.

Anyway, ex-boss has made comments to me in the past which led me to believe that he wouldn't be the best person to confide in, although he played Mr. Sensitive & Enlightened during the coming-out conversation. Not only that, but he's married to a fellow employee who has a demonstrated inability to keep her mouth shut. And she's close to the president, who's one of the most vicious, nasty people I've ever met. I'm just waiting for her to make some scathing remark to me at the next employee function.

It gets better: Ex-boss didn't bother to tell me this until the very moment that the position was offered to me, but my new job is considered a lateral move. Which means no raise. So I'll be doing more work for the same amount of money. I thought about raising a stink, but to make a long story short (it's after 11pm now & I want to watch the news), it ain't worth it. Saying something will only make matters worse.

On top of all this, my landlord made another unauthorized entry into my apartment. This prompted me to add to my police report AND to start prowling Craigslist for apartments again. I'm not being very proactive about the hunt, partially because a) the last hunt REALLY stresed me out, and b) I really don't want to move. I LIKE my place, even though it isn't perfect. For what I'm paying in rent now, I'm not going to find anything better. It's only my creepy landlord that's bugging me out.

So this is what I've been dealing with. In a couple of weeks I'll have an entire week off. Then I'll be able to think a little better.

Sunday, June 03, 2007
Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, folks. Firefox & Blogger aren't getting along right now. And on my home computer, Internet Explorer causes me even bigger problems.

Things have been rough for me for the past few weeks, to the point where a couple of weekends ago I seriously considered checking myself into the hospital. Ultimately I decided NOT to check myself in, I just did what I always did when things in my life get ugly: I gritted my teeth, kept taking my meds, & waited for the ugliness to pass.

I'm somewhat better now, although the situation that caused me to flip out is still not resolved. And it should have been resolved by now. And every day that it's not resolved is just another day of stress for me. Xanax has become my best friend.

That's it for now. More news when I actually have some to share.

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